So next Thursday makes one year since my husband Thad passed away. Really not looking forward to that day. I have a friend in a local theater production of "Lost in Yonkers" and they have a performance that night so I may go to that. Or I may go to the matinee on Sunday instead. All I know for sure, is that one day next week, I am going to visit Thad's grave.
On to happier news: Vacation. I really don't go on a true vacation - or at least haven't in many years. I will take days off work and might make a small trip for a weekend or something, but at the end of the month I am going on my first real vacation for...oh, I can't remember how long. Where am I going? Hawaii! For a week. Never been there and I am both excited and scared at the same time. It should be an adventure - hopefully of the good kind.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Thursday, October 23, 2008
An End and a Return
Thad passed away on Wednesday September 24. I was there when he took his last breaths, He died here at home where he wanted to be when the time came. His offical time of death was 7:22 PM, but he actually died about 45 minutes earlier. When he died, I had to call Hospice who then had to call the nurse on duty who then had to call me back and ask some questions. Once that was done, she had to change clothes and gather all her needed equipment (computer, paperwork, ect) and then drive the 25 minute trip into town and to my house. She was great once she got here and very sympathic.
Several of our friends came over once they heard about his passing. We sat around before the nurse got here and while she was here telling stories of Thad and laughing. Lynn (the nurse) was having a hard time not falling out of the chair laughing as she filled out the paperwork and listened to our stories. And, we told her, the stories were the 'toned-down' versions of our adventures. And we weren't kidding about that.
We had a visitation on Sunday Sep 28 (which was also my late mother's birthday) and his funeral on Monday Sep 29. Thad was buried in a cemetery 139 miles from where we live, so it was an all day event. A group of us went to Green Pond (the cemetery) and followed that by having a late lunch in a small restaurant in a local town - and by local I mean roughly about 20 miles from the cemetery. But the food at this place (Did I mention it was the back of a gas station?) was low priced, large portions and really good.
I've been spending the time since trying to begin the process of going through things. Not easy when Thad never went through his parents' things when they died. So now I'm going through things that belonged to Thad, his dad and his mom. And a few things that were his grandmother's as well. In a few days, I go back to work. Back to my third shift and days off. I'm not sure what that willbe like. Part of me wants to stay off work for more time, part of me wishes I had been back a long time ago.
One day at a time in every aspect of my life right now.
Several of our friends came over once they heard about his passing. We sat around before the nurse got here and while she was here telling stories of Thad and laughing. Lynn (the nurse) was having a hard time not falling out of the chair laughing as she filled out the paperwork and listened to our stories. And, we told her, the stories were the 'toned-down' versions of our adventures. And we weren't kidding about that.
We had a visitation on Sunday Sep 28 (which was also my late mother's birthday) and his funeral on Monday Sep 29. Thad was buried in a cemetery 139 miles from where we live, so it was an all day event. A group of us went to Green Pond (the cemetery) and followed that by having a late lunch in a small restaurant in a local town - and by local I mean roughly about 20 miles from the cemetery. But the food at this place (Did I mention it was the back of a gas station?) was low priced, large portions and really good.
I've been spending the time since trying to begin the process of going through things. Not easy when Thad never went through his parents' things when they died. So now I'm going through things that belonged to Thad, his dad and his mom. And a few things that were his grandmother's as well. In a few days, I go back to work. Back to my third shift and days off. I'm not sure what that willbe like. Part of me wants to stay off work for more time, part of me wishes I had been back a long time ago.
One day at a time in every aspect of my life right now.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Thad's end may be near
Well, it was going to happen. My dear husband (and best friend) has started that downward slide. He was improving, going far beyond the one week they had said he had left to live when they released him from the hospital in June. Now, he is going down.
He can no longer walk or even get himself into a standing position. As a result, we've had a hospital bed brought in. This lets he can relax and get some very much needed sleep. Also, since he can't get up, he has to wear adult diapers and I have to change him. It isn't hard to change diapers on a baby or toddler. But try to do it to a 54 year old man.
He has more problems with confusion and is eating and drinking less all the time. A very common thing when the body starts shutting down. It's hard to tell how much time he has left. Maybe a few weeks, maybe a few months - although weeks seems more like what it will be. For now, we take one day at a time.
He can no longer walk or even get himself into a standing position. As a result, we've had a hospital bed brought in. This lets he can relax and get some very much needed sleep. Also, since he can't get up, he has to wear adult diapers and I have to change him. It isn't hard to change diapers on a baby or toddler. But try to do it to a 54 year old man.
He has more problems with confusion and is eating and drinking less all the time. A very common thing when the body starts shutting down. It's hard to tell how much time he has left. Maybe a few weeks, maybe a few months - although weeks seems more like what it will be. For now, we take one day at a time.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Changes in Thad' s Condition
After two months of improving, it appears that Thad is now getting worse. He spent a weekend of not sleeping, becoming very child-like and stressing me out greatly. Turns out that he had two things wrong:
1) An infecton in his kidneys. Not uncommon given that he wears a cathater. In fact, that he hasn't had one before is a bit of a surprise. A few days of antibioltics cleared that up nicely.
2) Very high levels of ammonia in his blood. This was getting into his brain and causing the confusion, forgetfulness nad child-like behavior. What does this mean? Well, some oof it could be from the infection. But when you add in the sleeplessness - it means his liver is getting worse.
We were warned some time ago, that as he neared the end, this could happen. He is now taking a liquid which is helping to remove the ammonia. It is helping, but will only work for a relatively brief time. Eventually, the ammonia will be too much and he will go into a coma. Then he will die. How long do we have? I don't know. We just go one day at a tim.
1) An infecton in his kidneys. Not uncommon given that he wears a cathater. In fact, that he hasn't had one before is a bit of a surprise. A few days of antibioltics cleared that up nicely.
2) Very high levels of ammonia in his blood. This was getting into his brain and causing the confusion, forgetfulness nad child-like behavior. What does this mean? Well, some oof it could be from the infection. But when you add in the sleeplessness - it means his liver is getting worse.
We were warned some time ago, that as he neared the end, this could happen. He is now taking a liquid which is helping to remove the ammonia. It is helping, but will only work for a relatively brief time. Eventually, the ammonia will be too much and he will go into a coma. Then he will die. How long do we have? I don't know. We just go one day at a tim.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Happy Bithday Thad!
We hadn't thought that this would be celebrated this year. But tomorrow (August 7) is Thad's birthday. He'll be 54. He is still going strong, still improving somewhat. He can now walk around unaided, get out of most chairs and the sofa by himself and the otr day made it down the front steps of the house without someone supporting him.
These are big improvements, but his test levels don't appear to be changing - at least we haven't been told that they are. So his liver is still failing, but maybe it has stalled (I hope) Whatever is happening, we are still taking one day at a time.
These are big improvements, but his test levels don't appear to be changing - at least we haven't been told that they are. So his liver is still failing, but maybe it has stalled (I hope) Whatever is happening, we are still taking one day at a time.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Thad continues to remain with us
Just putting in a brief post. My dear husband (long time boyfriend) Thad continues to be here, even though the doctors had orginally given him only a week to live - over a month ago. We have had our one month anniversary (we married on June 12)
It seems a bit strange to be counting your anniversary in weeks and months rather than years, but considering that we had originally planned to count our time together in hours and days, I will definately take the weeks and months. Can we reach counting it in years? By every account - no. Thad has onlya short ime left, that is certain. What isn't certain is exactly how long. When he first was in the hospital, they thought maybe four months. Then if became maybe a week. Now he is beyond that prediction.
I am not working right now. I am on family leave to help care for Thad. No one else can be with him overnight and that is when I work (10PM - 8AM) I am off for three months, which puts my return to work date as mid-September. As things stand now, Thad may well still be here then. If he is, and ifI still need to be home with him, we'll see if I can change my work schedule to during the days and maybe part time. Not sure right now and I will deal with that when the time comes.
It seems a bit strange to be counting your anniversary in weeks and months rather than years, but considering that we had originally planned to count our time together in hours and days, I will definately take the weeks and months. Can we reach counting it in years? By every account - no. Thad has onlya short ime left, that is certain. What isn't certain is exactly how long. When he first was in the hospital, they thought maybe four months. Then if became maybe a week. Now he is beyond that prediction.
I am not working right now. I am on family leave to help care for Thad. No one else can be with him overnight and that is when I work (10PM - 8AM) I am off for three months, which puts my return to work date as mid-September. As things stand now, Thad may well still be here then. If he is, and ifI still need to be home with him, we'll see if I can change my work schedule to during the days and maybe part time. Not sure right now and I will deal with that when the time comes.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Updates and Changes
My friends whose baby had the cancer of the liver unfortuntely lost that baby a few weeks ago. Everything was tried, but nothing helped. The cancer was just too much. They are working thru their grief and looking at future children. Both their own biological children and adoption. Their son, even though he is gone now, touched so many people. His father is currently workng on writing a book about the whole experience. I think I'll be one of the first to get it when he gets it out. I'm sure I'll laugh and cry all over again.
If you've been to my blog space before, you know I have always been Becky S. Now I'm Becky L. My long time boyfriend and I finally got married. And did so in a very short amount of time. The reason for the quick marriage: he's dying. His liver is failing and we don't know how much time he has left. At one time the doctors thought he had about a week. But that was three weeks ago. He is still here, so we take each day as it comes. For now, just having the time together is all that matters.
If you've been to my blog space before, you know I have always been Becky S. Now I'm Becky L. My long time boyfriend and I finally got married. And did so in a very short amount of time. The reason for the quick marriage: he's dying. His liver is failing and we don't know how much time he has left. At one time the doctors thought he had about a week. But that was three weeks ago. He is still here, so we take each day as it comes. For now, just having the time together is all that matters.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Prayers and wishes
Some very dear friends of mine have had a horrible past few months. They waited for years before having a child and discovered that he has liver cancer. They've been taking him to chemo treatments and hoping to get a transplant, but now that hope is gone. A recent MRI scan revealed that the cancer has traveled to his lungs and adrenal glands as well as his liver. He has no hope now of getting a new liver and little hope of living more than a year (if he is lucky) His parents made a difficult chpoice to begin him on an experimental treatment which should give him a decent quality of life and perhaps a bit more time. He cannot being the treatments until he is one year old which will be in June. With luck, he will live a bit beyond his second birthday.
My deepest wiches and prayers have been with them every day. Send your too, if you can:
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/davidweber
My deepest wiches and prayers have been with them every day. Send your too, if you can:
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/davidweber
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
It's Winter. Or, no, wait...It's Spring. Nope, nope....back to winter
The weather has been odd. One week ago, the temperature was 51 degrees (at the very end of January!). Then in a matter of just a few short hours, it dropped dwn to a more seasonable 3 degrees! Meanwhile, there was the freezing rain that turned into a dusting of snow. Glad I didn't have to work that night.
Just a few days later - on Thursday Jan 31 - we got the beginning of a snow storm that when it ended the next morning gave us 8 lovely inches of snow. What fun...again! So the weekend arrives and with it - warming temps. How warm? Oh, enough the start melting the snow and create a rather thick fog that lasted for about two days. It only ended due to the rain. Rain - in February. In Central Illinois. So most of the snow goes away and now, the rain is turning into a freezing rain/snow combo because the temps are dropping. Again. And people wonder why everyone is getting very, very sick around here.
I send all my thoughts and prayers to the people living in the areas hit by all the bad storms in the Southern US.
Just a few days later - on Thursday Jan 31 - we got the beginning of a snow storm that when it ended the next morning gave us 8 lovely inches of snow. What fun...again! So the weekend arrives and with it - warming temps. How warm? Oh, enough the start melting the snow and create a rather thick fog that lasted for about two days. It only ended due to the rain. Rain - in February. In Central Illinois. So most of the snow goes away and now, the rain is turning into a freezing rain/snow combo because the temps are dropping. Again. And people wonder why everyone is getting very, very sick around here.
I send all my thoughts and prayers to the people living in the areas hit by all the bad storms in the Southern US.
Friday, December 28, 2007
As 2007 ends....
So, it is almost over. 2007. There have been a good number of good things (my nephew welcoming his first child into the world this past October for one big one) and a few bad things. Typical, really, of any year.
2008...What will it bring? Very good question. I would like it to bring good things for my family and friends. For me, well I would love to be debt free. Not likely to happen unless I suddenly win a lottery or something. So, more realistically...
I hope to sell my house in the next year. Reduce some of my debt. On the fun front I hope to be able to meet a few people I've wanted to meet for some time. Actors, ect. Thad and I might go out on a cruise next summer. Those are always fun. We'll see.
Untill then, everyone take care. Be safe. Stay halthy. And have a wonderful New Year's!
2008...What will it bring? Very good question. I would like it to bring good things for my family and friends. For me, well I would love to be debt free. Not likely to happen unless I suddenly win a lottery or something. So, more realistically...
I hope to sell my house in the next year. Reduce some of my debt. On the fun front I hope to be able to meet a few people I've wanted to meet for some time. Actors, ect. Thad and I might go out on a cruise next summer. Those are always fun. We'll see.
Untill then, everyone take care. Be safe. Stay halthy. And have a wonderful New Year's!
Friday, October 05, 2007
I really must update more
I am terrible at keeping this place up-to-date. I must work on that.
Many things happening, the most excitign being that my sister sent me an e-mail yesterday to let me know that my nephew Allen became a father for the first time yesterday afternoon! I was asked to not tell him that I knew, but Cathy just had to tell someone. :-) "I'm sure he wants to tell you himself, so don't tell him I told you" was the message.
It's great timing, actually. Cathy is a school teacher and they are having a mid-semester break next week. So, she can now spnd that time with Allen, Melissa and her new grandson. Don't know his name yet, tat's something for Allen to share with me.
I'm so happy for them all. Wish I could go visit too, but there will be time for that.
Many things happening, the most excitign being that my sister sent me an e-mail yesterday to let me know that my nephew Allen became a father for the first time yesterday afternoon! I was asked to not tell him that I knew, but Cathy just had to tell someone. :-) "I'm sure he wants to tell you himself, so don't tell him I told you" was the message.
It's great timing, actually. Cathy is a school teacher and they are having a mid-semester break next week. So, she can now spnd that time with Allen, Melissa and her new grandson. Don't know his name yet, tat's something for Allen to share with me.
I'm so happy for them all. Wish I could go visit too, but there will be time for that.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Summer Time
Ah, it has been a while since I last posted, hasn't it? I just spent a few days with my sister Cathy. We haven't seen each other since her husband's funeral in October 2004. We have talked on the phone and through e-mails, but haven't actually spent time together until the other day.
Cathy lives by Kentucky Lake in a beautifully wooded area. I love the place - except for the snakes. Anyone want some rattlesnakes, cottonmouths, or water maccasons? You are more than welcome to have some. I've never actually seen any snakes whenever I've been there. But there was one time my mother and I were staying there and in the middle of the night I rolled over in bed and my arm fell over the edge. Immediately there was a rattle sound from either outside somewhere near their deck or from under the bed. Either way, I was not thrilled. Especially since shortly after I slowly and carefully pulled my arm back onto the bed, the rattle sound stopped. How, you are asking, could there had been a rattle sound under the bed? Easy - at that time, Cathy and Dave often left the glass doors to the deck wide open, screen and all. Even with everyone being the house all day, anything could have gotten in.
But Cathy, Thad and I had four very nice days together - when she wasn't teaching summer school. But when she was, Thad and I just slept. Cathy's house is a great place to just sleep. She even said that is what everyone in the family tells her - "I come here and I just want to sleep and when I do, I sleep so well" We will be going back to see her again in September unless something comes up.
Cathy lives by Kentucky Lake in a beautifully wooded area. I love the place - except for the snakes. Anyone want some rattlesnakes, cottonmouths, or water maccasons? You are more than welcome to have some. I've never actually seen any snakes whenever I've been there. But there was one time my mother and I were staying there and in the middle of the night I rolled over in bed and my arm fell over the edge. Immediately there was a rattle sound from either outside somewhere near their deck or from under the bed. Either way, I was not thrilled. Especially since shortly after I slowly and carefully pulled my arm back onto the bed, the rattle sound stopped. How, you are asking, could there had been a rattle sound under the bed? Easy - at that time, Cathy and Dave often left the glass doors to the deck wide open, screen and all. Even with everyone being the house all day, anything could have gotten in.
But Cathy, Thad and I had four very nice days together - when she wasn't teaching summer school. But when she was, Thad and I just slept. Cathy's house is a great place to just sleep. She even said that is what everyone in the family tells her - "I come here and I just want to sleep and when I do, I sleep so well" We will be going back to see her again in September unless something comes up.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
The Season of Illness
I work for a large retail drug store chain. And this spring has already started off with one of the worst colds I can remember seeing (and having) in years. It comes on rather quickly, making you feel light headed, stuffy, achy and very, very tired. That lasts for several days. Then the coughing...it just doesn't stop. Both Thad and I have had the coughing for almost two weeks now and while we are getting better, we still cough like crazy. I've talked to some people who have had this cold and they have all said it took about four weeks to be rid of the cough. So, we just keep getting rest, taking cough medicine and drops, drinking lots of liquids and hoping the cough will be just a bit less tomorrow.
In short, if you get this cold (and it does seem to be working it's way around) be prepared for a long recovery.
In short, if you get this cold (and it does seem to be working it's way around) be prepared for a long recovery.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
The Return of Sci-Fi Fridays
After a very long, and by no means neccessary, break between first run episodes the shows Stargate SG-1 and Stargate Atlantis are returning to American television. It seems the decision makers at Sci-Fi channel thought they had 'wisdom' in breaking the Stargate shows into mini-seasons separated by six months, and fill the time with complete and total crap programming. I wish I could make those kind of idiot decisions and be paid big money to do it. What a nice little scam.
I remember when TV shows were not even aired until most of the episodes were already 'in the can'. Then the episodes were aired each week with perhaps a week or two of repeats late in the season. After the season was over, the repeats of that season held you over until the next started in late September. Yes, late September. Not only that but a complete season consisted of 26 - 32 episodes - not the 20 (or if you are lucky 22) episodes today's television shows boast.
I find it wonderfully ironic that some of the longest running (and still classic) television shows in history - Gunsmoke (635 episodes in 20 years), Bonanza(430 episodes in 14 years), and Dark Shadows (1225 episodes in 5 years) - ran longer seasons, more episodes, were as a whole more entertaining then nearly all of today's television programming, and still produced new episodes all the time. No re-runs in those days.
I remember when TV shows were not even aired until most of the episodes were already 'in the can'. Then the episodes were aired each week with perhaps a week or two of repeats late in the season. After the season was over, the repeats of that season held you over until the next started in late September. Yes, late September. Not only that but a complete season consisted of 26 - 32 episodes - not the 20 (or if you are lucky 22) episodes today's television shows boast.
I find it wonderfully ironic that some of the longest running (and still classic) television shows in history - Gunsmoke (635 episodes in 20 years), Bonanza(430 episodes in 14 years), and Dark Shadows (1225 episodes in 5 years) - ran longer seasons, more episodes, were as a whole more entertaining then nearly all of today's television programming, and still produced new episodes all the time. No re-runs in those days.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Just adding a quick note
Okay, it's been awhile and thought I would just do a quick update.
On the not so good front, I am spending about $400 today. Why? Because my car needs a new muffler, exhaust pipes,and catalytic converter (and I know, I spelled that wrong) . Oh...yay... Bad timing, but I can't go without the car for long so no real choice. Blah.
I also skipped over my brother John's birthday on the 5th. I don't know where he is right now - last I heard he was in Nashville, TN. He hasn't had a lot to do with anyone in the family for a while now. My brothers are like that. While my sister and I stay in touch (admittedly not as much as we would like) both of our brothers barely talk to anyone. Just weird. But I do keep in close contact with my nephew Brad (John's son - who was known as one of my 'boyfriends' when he was a child) and Brad keeps me informed of anything major in his dad's life. As does my neice Brenda (John's daughter) whom I keep in touch with. And last I heard, hewas doing well, so ulitmately that is all that matters.
I should go now. Have a great St. Patrick's Day everyone!
On the not so good front, I am spending about $400 today. Why? Because my car needs a new muffler, exhaust pipes,and catalytic converter (and I know, I spelled that wrong) . Oh...yay... Bad timing, but I can't go without the car for long so no real choice. Blah.
I also skipped over my brother John's birthday on the 5th. I don't know where he is right now - last I heard he was in Nashville, TN. He hasn't had a lot to do with anyone in the family for a while now. My brothers are like that. While my sister and I stay in touch (admittedly not as much as we would like) both of our brothers barely talk to anyone. Just weird. But I do keep in close contact with my nephew Brad (John's son - who was known as one of my 'boyfriends' when he was a child) and Brad keeps me informed of anything major in his dad's life. As does my neice Brenda (John's daughter) whom I keep in touch with. And last I heard, hewas doing well, so ulitmately that is all that matters.
I should go now. Have a great St. Patrick's Day everyone!
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Saturday, January 27, 2007
One month down
Janaury is almost over, most of my bills are paid, and we are about to enter the worst month of the year. Febraury has been a bad month for me for a long time. When I was a kid this is when everyone in the family died. No, not really, but it seemed like it from a kid's point of view. Bad weather, and a death in the family was almost all Febraury seemed to represent. But at least it was the shortest month and once it was over, things start to look up. Spring will be coming and all the re-birth feelings with it.
My sister's birthday is Jan. 31. I will be calling her sometime in the next few days. And I can try to set up sometime this summer to visit with her. I haven't visited with her (other than over the phone or e-mail) since her husband died a couple of years ago. Too many other things happening to make the trip. But this year, I am changing things. Must see her and actually take vacation time that involves more than a two day sales pitch (that we bought into anyway!) Must take a week off a couple of times this year and actually go somewhere just for fun.
My sister's birthday is Jan. 31. I will be calling her sometime in the next few days. And I can try to set up sometime this summer to visit with her. I haven't visited with her (other than over the phone or e-mail) since her husband died a couple of years ago. Too many other things happening to make the trip. But this year, I am changing things. Must see her and actually take vacation time that involves more than a two day sales pitch (that we bought into anyway!) Must take a week off a couple of times this year and actually go somewhere just for fun.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
So it's a new year and it has started out with some great things happening over on the A Dog's Breakfast movie site! First David announces that he and his girlfriend Jane are engaged (which is ALL the chatter amongst the squirrels!) and now it's been - well, talked about on the forums - that he has created a new TV series to be shown on the Sci-Fi Channel. Watch for Starcrossed. It will be great!
So, yesterday was my brother Roy's birthday. He turned 47. I gues I hope he had a good day. Since he and I don't really talk, it's hard for me to say. (Long story there)
Anyway, I hope everyone has had a good start for the year. May your weather be mild, your bills low and your income high! And check out the link at the right for A Dog's Breakfast movie. It's headed your way thanks to MGM!
So, yesterday was my brother Roy's birthday. He turned 47. I gues I hope he had a good day. Since he and I don't really talk, it's hard for me to say. (Long story there)
Anyway, I hope everyone has had a good start for the year. May your weather be mild, your bills low and your income high! And check out the link at the right for A Dog's Breakfast movie. It's headed your way thanks to MGM!
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Happy Holidays to All
It is only a couple of days before Christmas so just a quick entry to wish everyone who celebrates it a very Merry Christmas. So many different holidays happen at this time that if I leave one out, please forgive me:
Merry (or Happy) Christmas
Happy Kquanza
Happy Hannukah
and Happy New Year.
I am hoping that everyone out there is staying as healthy as possible and is trying to be safe as the weather decides what it is doing. (Cold, wet, snow, ice, ect in parts of the world.) To the squirrels (you know who you are) have fun over the holiday. I'll talk to you soon.
Merry (or Happy) Christmas
Happy Kquanza
Happy Hannukah
and Happy New Year.
I am hoping that everyone out there is staying as healthy as possible and is trying to be safe as the weather decides what it is doing. (Cold, wet, snow, ice, ect in parts of the world.) To the squirrels (you know who you are) have fun over the holiday. I'll talk to you soon.
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